Today is a should-be day. A day where, how things are now, isn’t how we hoped they would be. You see, today is the due-date of a baby I would have loved to hold, not my own, but one I would have adored.
The hope we have is that I will hold another, yet it does not take away from the sadness of this day. It is ok to remember, to sit in the loss and to grieve what should be, today.
This day ‘should’ be the day we meet our baby, or at least it is the due date and so I should be helping a very pregnant, irritable mummy stay calm and pampered while we wait for this bundle to come. I should have made a baby-shower, I knew exactly how the themes would be and who would come. I should have helped choose names and bought gifts and generally been excited!
I should have watched my friend grow each month, physically. Yet I have watched her grow, I have watched her flourish, I have watched her glow return. You don’t see bravery in yourself, so I want to tell you the bravery I have seen. You are so brave my friend. Not only in one friend but in many women I love that have sadly experienced this loss and had to walk through the ‘should-be’ days, or weeks, or moments you didn’t realise would come and then they hit and you wonder where it came from.
I have watched bravery through the days of loss, the pain and the confusion. I have held bravery as they have cried and then wiped their tears to go and help someone else. I have heard the bravery as they have taken just an extra deeper breath when someone announces their news, then seen the brave and beautifully genuine smile and celebration they pour out, as they rejoice with those who rejoice. I have seen the bravery to return to life ‘as normal’, when most people don’t know the pain they have just gone through, and any silly comments that must be put up with, as they continue on.
I have seen hope arise from the depths of despair. I have too many friends who have walked this road and I have felt a glimpse of their pain by walking by their side, for me even just this glimpse has felt overwhelming at times-you are incredible. I have talked through the hope of these babies now, that we truly believe better is one day in His courts than a thousand elsewhere, though we don’t understand it at all.
I have had a little cry in writing this and as I remember the bravery of these women, the strength and love of the amazing Dads, holding them, and the love we will always carry for the babies now with Him. So today, on this ‘should-be’ day, for the specific precious one today I pray this for you, yet for all of us who for many reasons have ‘should-be’ days, days that should look different yet now don’t, I pray…
PEACE COVER YOU
COMFORT ENVELOP YOU
LOVE STRENGTHEN YOU
BLESSINGS LAVISH OVER YOU
HOPE ARISE IN YOU
JOY FILL YOU
For all of us too, I hope this can be a simple reminder to be kind. We never know what someone is carrying or how their yesterday was, let’s choose kindness.