“Is your heart right before God?”
This is the question I heard in the night-before waking in intense pain. I ran to the bathroom as the pain was so great I thought I was dying! Not just because I’m dramatic, I genuinely thought I’d heard this voice because something had gone very wrong within me and this was my time.
“I think we’re cool Jesus, yeh..?” Was my very informal response as I sat wondering whether to call an ambulance. It was pretty scary.
Instead I called my mum. We were staying in a hotel on the way to Spring Harvest. She got my message and came straight round. The pain eased and I am ok.
This illness has being going on for over a month, I’ve been referred to hospital for more tests. So I suddenly panicked that whatever is going on, if it’s a cist then it’s exploded – if it’s something else then it’s got worse!
Thankfully I’m ok & it’ll get worked out soon. Yet that phrase has stayed in my head. “Is your heart right before God?”
It’s kept coming back to me. It makes me feel bit scared. I’m glad my response was “yeh I think we are cool” yet I’ve been asking him for more.
Today, I feel what He was asking wasn’t ‘are you saved’. Though for that the answer is in a song we sang ‘When He shall come, with trumpet sound-oh may I then in Him be found’
I love Him & want to be found in Him. I felt He explained that He was asking if my heart was right with him. Like a close friend saying ‘are we good?’. Am I ok with Him?
We’ve had a lot of stuff go on as a family & with those close to us. Pain and disappointment. Prayers unanswered and very bad surprises. Plus currently being very unsure what is going on with me physically too.
I’m listening to a talk about Jesus now at Spring Harvest, Gav Calver. It’s about encountering Him. Gav has told a story of him loosing a child and then having another very poorly when he came to the point of waiting to see if his child would survive, where he came to a point of deciding and saying to God-
If my child survives- You are Good.
If my child doesn’t survive- You are Good.
Choosing that through all circumstance we trust the grace of God. We are thankful for His faithfulness. Looking at all He has done and loving who He is. Deciding in my soul that despite circumstance He is good, He is a good God & He loves me.
So I am giving myself back. I am saying yes, we are good. More than that – I trust that you are good. Even if the worst were to happen, I choose that you are good.
So now we are united again. We are walking in step. The greatest thing is to have just watched hundreds of others walk to be prayed for as they choose to come in step with Jesus too. He’s the best to walk with, in every trial and pain – the things we don’t understand- He is good. He cares if you are good with Him..if He were asking you what would be your response?
“ARE WE GOOD?”
‘Spirit lead me where my trust is without boarders, let me walk upon the waters, wherever you would call me. Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander & my faith will be made stronger, in the presence of my saviour’
Hannah thank you for this xx