This morning my heart broke with the news that one of my girls has tragically died. I haven’t experienced true grief as an adult, of someone I loved. Today I felt it, and it hurts.
I worked with this beautiful girl for years. She was so kind hearted, yet if you saw her you’d probably think she was a hard tough boy. She had been through so much, too much. Hurt and pain throughout her life.
I helped her when her only option was sleeping on the street. I got other charities involved to help with housing or just a bed for the night, but sadly they were not always able to help. I saw and understood the daily challenges she faced.
I have a newspaper clipping about her. When she shoplifted and purposefully carried stuff outside a shop. Then stood there with it waiting for security to arrest her and she then begged a judge to let her back into prison. It had become her home.
I have seen her at her most vulnerable, sharing about her childhood. I’ve also seen her caring for others on the inside who needed support, standing up to bullies and calming situations. I’ve seen how she can talk to anyone and make them feel comfortable. I’ve seen how funny she is, with a wildly cheeky grin and awesome laugh.
I have shared with her the love of Jesus, she knows my stories of healing. She loved the story of my Dad in Haiti experiencing the miracle of his wallet being filled 3 times after it emptied. She shared the things she learned with others and was a regular in chapel. She prayed simply and slowly asking Jesus to be with her.
I once had her turn up at my work with an older woman who worked for ‘Street Angels’. The lady said they had found her on the streets and she was so lovely they offered her to come home with them. When they explained they were Christians, that they follow Jesus, she said she knew Jesus because she knew Hannah. So they searched and managed to find me!
Sadly, anytime I, or others did more to help, she would run. She didn’t know what ‘home’ was. I went to her mums home once but her mum explained that due to the level of trauma and abuse she’d endured there, my girl wouldn’t ever stay there.
Today I have gone through so many emotions. I’ve felt terribly deeply sad and cried my heart out, I’ve felt angry, confused..numb. Yet I have loved hearing the Bethel song Nearness. To just know that God is here, I feel him in the stillness.
More than that I believe my beautiful girl is now truly home. She is away from the cruelty in this world and the pain she lived through. She is safe and home with Jesus. I had been asking Jesus to secure in me that she’s now at peace, that she’s Home. I went upstairs to grab my mums phone charger and randomly was a printed out bible verse lay next to it. John14.
It breaks me that last night, on her own in a prison cell, she decided it was all too much. Yet my hope and comfort is in the knowledge that tonight she is in a better place-the best place, in a room that He has prepared for her. Now she is whole and new and all she was created to be-secure in the love of her Father God, truly healed and at home, in a room just for her in His Kingdom.
Please pray for her family, for the officers (especially those who will have found her) and for the girls inside (often one can lead others to do the same). For me..to hopefully get involved in the funeral..learn how to grieve.
I know I will see her again..I will get to hug her and we will be together, in a place of love and beauty where there are no more tears.. Until then, on 23rd October I will always remember this beautiful girl and how she blessed my life ❤️